I suppose the best way to start this is with where I thought this was all going. I mean this was supposed to be a 'normal' case of breast cancer. I let myself believe in what everyone around me was saying- 'It's very treatable these days' and 'I'm sure they caught it early.' My dad said it best in his blog- he felt like he'd been gut punched. I can't describe the feeling- somewhat numb to the news and also a sense of just falling apart. I was strong enough to hear and accept the cancer and the surgery but not this. Somehow tonight's news had me in tears and falling to floor after I hung up the phone. I cannot bear to show my feelings to my mother- she's got enough on her plate than to be consoling me.
Well, I suppose this would be a good time to share the update. As they suspected the cancer is very aggressive. It is an Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Fancy words for 'bad cancer'. They have put her at a stage 3- which for those of you who don't know- it means the cancer is pretty advanced. The dr. has put her as an urgent case. After looking as the breast that they removed they found 9 other areas in that breast that the cancer has spread to. Also more lymph nodes showed cancer. The dr. said that if they hadn't found her cancer it most likely would have become inflammatory breast cancer- which is NOT good. In all his years he said he's only seen 3 cases like that. So we are dealing with a much bigger and far different cancer than the 'early' detected stuff. She went on to say they would be starting Chemotherapy VERY soon due to the severity of the cancer. Also, she will be going in for a bone scan next week to see if the cancer has spread any further in her body. She had a x-ray done today as well as a blood test. Hopefully, this all reveals the extensiveness of her cancer.
The good news was that she is healing well after her mastectomy. She also said that today she felt the best she's felt since the surgery. She had her lymph node drain removed- and says it feels a whole lot better not having that thing around. There will be some permanent damage done to the nerves where they removed the lymph nodes but the good thing is that she has regained some feeling that was once numb.
I know this is terribly written tonight. Maybe I'll re-write it later but for now I need the news to be out so that others may pray more specifically for my mother. I'm tired now- and the only words that ring in my head are those of my mother tonight on the phone- "That is my prayer- that He (Christ) will be glorified through all of this."
I hear you, Kim. I've been feeling quite ill about all this for the past few weeks. Yesterday, I was feeling so sick that I went to bed right after work for a nap and ended up sleeping through till 3am when I awoke confused. I checked my phone and saw a missed call from mom - I listened to the voicemail and tears just fell to my pillow with this news.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't expected to hear "Stage 3" and to hear that it was so serious. I had hoped that the worst part was over. I don't find myself asking "why" since there isn't an answer to that. Instead, I find myself just praying and praying often for a miracle.
God gave me peace though I still have much concern for mom. I do feel physically and emotionally ill over it - I think you and I are in the same place today. The week of the surgery, I started feeling a little depressed...and now a week later, I still find myself there... I'm desperately holding on to hope!
I love you, Kim. We'll get through this. I'll see you later today.
Dear Kimmy...I know that the news hit hard! It did for all of us, but yet I have a real peace about it. I can't quite explain it, but to say that God is leading me "beside quiet waters". It may seem strange that in the middle of this storm that I can be at peace, but that is only possible because God has promised to be with us always...no matter where we are (read Ps 139) I am praying for my kids too, to experience this peace in the midst of the storm. Remember the story of Jesus in the boat, how he was asleep while there was a storm raging that terrified the disciples? God is using this in all of our lives to bring us closer to Him. Phil 4:4-9 tells us not to be anxious for anything but in everything with thanksgiving make you request known to God...and the peace that passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Meditate on that and keep your focus on Him, He is the Author and Finisher of our faith. I love you and appreciate your very honest feelings expressed in your blog. I am such a blessed mom to have such loving kids.
ReplyDeleteToday I am feeling good. I had a good sleep and I am glad for cooler temperatures here in SA. There even is promise of rain in the forecast for next week! "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it" So rejoice!
Love you...MOM