First Chemo Treatment

"What do you think of my hair?" my mother asked to my father. "It looks like it always does." he replied not knowing why my mother was asking. "Good, this is the one then." she said as she removed the wig. Yes- my mother has a wig now- must be a pretty good one if my father couldn't tell she was wearing one. ;) She got the wig in advance- knowing that the chemo will cause her to lose he hair. And then the first day of chemo came....

What a sense of relief I felt when I heard my mother tell me she had finished her first chemo treatment. I feel more at ease now that she's being treated- what and ordeal it is to go through test after test.

The first injection was of some red colored medicine. After that was finished she was put on an I.V. drip of the other medicine. All the while one nurse tended to the three women in the room- administering the chemo. The women all chatted- if nothing else they all had one thing in common- the all had cancer. They were offered juice and cookies during this time. My mother, as usual, made a day out of what others may view as a nightmare. She went lunch afterwards and then went home. She was tired after the day- and when she returned home she found herself needing some much needed rest which prompted a nap. She had taken her anti-nausea medicine in advance of the chemo to help ward off those side affects. I had checked my father's blog and read that my mother is not sleeping well at night- getting up many times in the middle of the night. Other side effects seem to be minimal in the grand scheme of things- diminished appetite and feeling flushed at times. All in all- we have passed the first chemo treatment....

On this Friday- the port-a-cath is going to be inserted. This should make for an easier time in getting the chemo done in the future.

The Calendar-

- this Friday Sept. 4th the port-a-cath will be inserted

- this Thursday Sept. 3rd my sister Jennifer and her family are visiting for a week

- Sept. 16th my mother goes to get her blood count checked- if all is good

- Sept. 17th is the next chemo treatment

Things to keep in prayer about-

- pray for my mother as she goes through the chemo and the side effects

- pray for my father as he tends to my mother in her time of need

- pray for my sister and her family as they travel from NE to visit my parents

- pray for the port-a-cath to be inserted quickly and without complication

- pray for the forest fire that continues to rage on and grow.

- pray for those whose homes are threatened

- pray for those that are fighting the fire- for their safety

Sorry for being so short today....I find myself choosing to write this in the midst of watching 5 kids- makes for many breaks while typing.

Proverbs 15:30

"A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones."

When it rains- it pours.....

As a child I was terrified of storms. The amount of power and strength they hold were something that gave me great fear. But as I got older I found that not all rain turns into a storm. I remember being 16 sitting outside at night watching as lightening and thunder approached our house. I sat there outside on the pavement in the dark with my dad and brother. My mother called from the window telling us to get inside. And yet I was in great awe of this monster as it approached. We stayed outside- even while the rain fell. What a great source of relief a good rain is. Even to this day I enjoy going outside while the rain falls all around me; I found it to be a time of peace for me. Most people are quickly scurrying inside to avoid the rain, which seems like common sense, but for those people who want to truly enjoy a moment of peace- there's nothing like standing outside as the rain pours.

This thought occurred to me today after I spoke with my mother on the phone. It amazes me how people grow and change- and sometimes during that change- you feel like it's pouring rain!!!

She called me sounding so very calm and happy. I couldn't be happier that my mother was sounding so well. I also wondered what this call meant. In the past- calls were made to update on the cancer and about any news we were getting. But on a Sunday??? Well- it just seemed odd to me. She said, "I know I told you in the e-mail about the fire burning by our house and the evacuation notice we are on but I didn't tell you about something else that happened this morning. We went to the E.R." (Just a note- please keep my parents in prayer- as they now have a wildfire burning in their area- about a mile away- if the wind shifts it could make it up the mountain to there home that they just bought) I didn't know what to say so I said nothing. "But it wasn't me who was in the E.R.- it was dad" she went on to say. I joked as only our family knows how to do in such a time saying, "Does dad need attention? Is that why he went??" But no- it wasn't for the need of attention- as I know my father to be the sort of man who's LAST resort is going to the E.R. I saw the man stitch his own finger up as a child- so this must be pretty serious to go to the E.R. My mother informed me that she woke up to my father making strange groaning noises. He had labored breathing and said his heart was beating extremely fast. My mother questioned him on whether to call 911 or rush him to the E.R.- which is 30 mins. away! My father chose the E.R. and my mother said she made it in record time- I'm not sure how much time she shaved off but she got him there in under 30 minutes.

He was brought into the E.R. and immediately taken into a room to be evaluated. After many tests and some medicine given through an I.V. they ruled out a heart attack. This is the point where I was finally able to breathe a big sigh of relief. They said they didn't know what caused his heart to beat at 190 beats per minute and his blood pressure to drop so low...but that the medicine worked to bring everything back to normal and stabilize him. They sent them off with some medicine in case it happened again and he returned home tired and ready for a nap.

So when I thought on it- I thought- really???? I mean- Breast cancer was enough for me- but now a fire threatening their newly purchased home- and my father's, out of the blue, heart issue?! I was floored- I haven't had so much as a cold to complain about and here my parents are miles away and having to deal with new issues. These are things I wish to be a part of- I want to be there to watch my mother go through chemo- to help her when she feels ill, to clean up vomit if I have to and to just be there and watch over her. I want to be there to take my father to the E.R.- to sit by his side and hold his hand. I want so badly to be near them- not to just visit but to be there- I long to be there- I feel so removed and useless here- trapped.

When it rains- it pours- but out of that pouring rain come growth- the grass, flowers and trees grow. We NEED the rain....even the rain in our lives. It may be painful and not the route we would have choosen for our lives to go but it has a purpose. It causes us to grow- we can choose how we want to grow- grow angry- grow distant etc.... Or we can choose to grow in Christ- to let Him hold us up when we are weary, to dive into His Word and cling to all the promises He has written, and to cast all our worries on Him because He cares for us.

1 Peter 5:7

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

Bone Scan Results...

So- it seemed as if forever has passed since my last blog. It may only have been a week ago- but it seemed to be an eternity for me as I awaited the news of the bone scan, x-ray and blood work that had been done on my mother. All these tests were to see if they could tell if the cancer had spread anywhere else in her body. My mother had told me that she felt good all this week. I spoke with her on several occasions and she seemed confident in what the doctors were doing as far as her health was concerned.

The phone rang- and I saw her name pop up on the caller i.d. I quickly answered the phone- hoping to get to the bottom of the news. My lovely mother began telling me that she called me first this time because she knew I was going to be gone later that evening. While she's telling me all this- my mind was trying to analyze her voice. Is this a voice of a woman who just received bad news or good news??? I couldn't tell- she was so calm..... Then she said- "so the results came back and......"

That's the point where I paused and braced myself up against the counter and tried to swallow a lump that was quickly forming in my throat.

And as quickly as I felt the lump forming- it started to go away- "The scan came out good as did the blood work and x-ray." She stated. I was relieved to finally feel that we had come to an end in the search of how bad this cancer was. She then began to tell me all about the treatments that would be involved in fighting this cancer.

- 8 chemotherapy cycles- about 6 months followed by

- 14 cycles of Herceptin- about 9 months

That equals 15 months

but we aren't done yet....

-5 weeks of Radiation following the Herceptin- (this is 5 days a week for 5 weeks)

- Then a hormone treatment will start at this point.

- And for 5 years she will be on drugs to keep the cancer from coming back.

She also was offered a chance to participate in a research study for some new drug- but she still needs to read up on what that all means and to decide whether she wants to do that or not.

She will be losing her hair- eyelashes- and eyebrows due to the chemotherapy. She hopes to get a wig soon before that all starts happening. I joked with her on the phone about getting all sorts of fun colors and styles to play with. I told her that this was the time to try on different hair colors and styles- that way she can find out what she wants after her hair grows back!!! ;)

Sometime this week she will be going into the hospital to have a port-a-cath put in. Apparently my aunt (my mother's sister) who works as a nurse in Holland in oncology suggested she do it. For those of you who don't know- this will be inserted under the collar bone- and it is a means to getting the chemotherapy- this way they don't have to insert an I.V. every time the treatment is being done. My mother said, "This way I can save my veins."

For those of you who want the nitty gritty and all the medical terminology- continue to read the next section which details the drugs she will be put on....

-Doxorubicin and Cyclophosphamide (AC) for the first 4 cycles of chemo- these take 30 mins. each

- Docetaxel and Trastuzumab (DT) for the next 4 cycles of chemo- these take 3 hours each!

All is all- there is still a VERY long road to go....I know that we do not walk this path alone but that God is with us every step of the way. Sure this isn't an easy road- and that's from a daughter's stand point. I can't even imagine the pain and sickness my mother will be going through with all this treatment! But I can rest assure that God knows best! His good and perfect will- will be known soon enough!

Please continue in your prayers on behalf of my mother and my family. And thank you to all of you who have been so vigilant in praying for us.

I found this verse on my daughter's paper from VBS and I hung it up on the fridge- it is something I've been meditating on lately....

Psalm 86:5

"You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you."

Where's the silver lining?

I suppose the best way to start this is with where I thought this was all going. I mean this was supposed to be a 'normal' case of breast cancer. I let myself believe in what everyone around me was saying- 'It's very treatable these days' and 'I'm sure they caught it early.' My dad said it best in his blog- he felt like he'd been gut punched. I can't describe the feeling- somewhat numb to the news and also a sense of just falling apart. I was strong enough to hear and accept the cancer and the surgery but not this. Somehow tonight's news had me in tears and falling to floor after I hung up the phone. I cannot bear to show my feelings to my mother- she's got enough on her plate than to be consoling me.

Well, I suppose this would be a good time to share the update. As they suspected the cancer is very aggressive. It is an Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Fancy words for 'bad cancer'. They have put her at a stage 3- which for those of you who don't know- it means the cancer is pretty advanced. The dr. has put her as an urgent case. After looking as the breast that they removed they found 9 other areas in that breast that the cancer has spread to. Also more lymph nodes showed cancer. The dr. said that if they hadn't found her cancer it most likely would have become inflammatory breast cancer- which is NOT good. In all his years he said he's only seen 3 cases like that. So we are dealing with a much bigger and far different cancer than the 'early' detected stuff. She went on to say they would be starting Chemotherapy VERY soon due to the severity of the cancer. Also, she will be going in for a bone scan next week to see if the cancer has spread any further in her body. She had a x-ray done today as well as a blood test. Hopefully, this all reveals the extensiveness of her cancer.

The good news was that she is healing well after her mastectomy. She also said that today she felt the best she's felt since the surgery. She had her lymph node drain removed- and says it feels a whole lot better not having that thing around. There will be some permanent damage done to the nerves where they removed the lymph nodes but the good thing is that she has regained some feeling that was once numb.

I know this is terribly written tonight. Maybe I'll re-write it later but for now I need the news to be out so that others may pray more specifically for my mother. I'm tired now- and the only words that ring in my head are those of my mother tonight on the phone- "That is my prayer- that He (Christ) will be glorified through all of this."

Surgery Day....

I watched as the signs went by...first signs for Chicago then signs for Indianapolis. All the while I kept quietly to myself thinking about my mother. What was she doing right now? Is the surgery on time? How is my mother holding up? Is she ready to burst into tears as I am right now? I would pick up my book (Just get me through this! A practical guide to coping with breast cancer), given to me from a close friend (thanks Katie), flip through it and read until I had my fill of information. I finally mustered up the courage to read about the surgery- the very thing my mother was going into in just a few short hours. I read about the process- the healing and the possible complications. I closed my eyes and gave into God's hands- I prayed for her- I prayed for her the whole trip- 6+ hours. And then I prayed some more as we finally entered Kentucky and the hotel room. I held onto my phone; watching as time passed and day turned into night. I called my sisters- they hadn't heard anything either. I continued praying- it was the only thing I could do- the only thing that made sense for me to do in a time like this. Then it rang! I lunged off the bed- throwing myself to the table where my cell phone lay. I could see it was my sister Jen calling. I answered. "How is she???" There was no time for chit chat- I needed to know and thankfully my sister understood my bluntness. My sister replied, "She's in the recovery room and doing well. She has little pain- but that's probably due to the morphine drip they have her on. She will be staying the night in the hospital tonight." Finally I felt like I could breath!! She's out and doing well....

I must have some sort of nack for calling at just the right times- or maybe the 'wrong' times. I called my parents after much procrastinating on my end- or at least what felt like forever. My father answered and told me that they had just gotten home! Leave it to me to call right as they are walking in the door. My mother later told me that as the phone rang and not knowing who was on the other end my father commented, "How do they know right when to call?" Anyways- my father told me my mother was going to lay down and then he would pass the phone to her. I always knew but tonight was different- I KNEW my father loved my mother. It was all in how he described how beautiful she was as she was lying down and covering up with a gray sheet- well- it reminded me of Christ's love for us. There she was lying bruised and battered after her surgery- not feeling well emotionally or physically. And there he was- encouraging her- and just loving her. What a great feeling came over me- knowing that even though I can't be there- my father was there to care for her and show her Christ's love.

She sounded tried and drained. I expected no less from someone who had just endured such trauma less than 24 hours ago. She described her surgery- how she was asked all sorts of questions over and over by surgeons, doctors, and nurses. And finally, she just fell asleep...it seemed, to her, that the surgery only lasted a half hour but finally she woke up. She described feeling groggy and unable to talk although she tried. Finally she uttered to the nurse, "My throat hurts." The nurse went on to tell her that she had a tube down her throat during the surgery. "I'm just happy to be home," my mother said. She told me about the drain under her armpit from having the lymph nodes taken out. "It's sore." Then she told me about the shock. She knew she was going to have her whole left breast removed but it's a whole different thing to experience and see that it's gone. "I got choked up and and lost it," she said describing how it was when she finally put on her shirt to get ready to leave the hospital. You have to understand it just doesn't fit like it used to anymore. I sat there on the phone trying to grasp what that must be like to go through- and I still can't even begin to imagine it. Her nerves are numb down her arm- this is relatively normal considering they took lymph nodes out but it's still something to keep in prayer. She's hoping that most if not all feeling comes back to that arm. On Thursday they want to remove the drain from the lymph nodes. And then Friday is the BIG day. Big as in- the day for the report- the pathology report should come in and be complete by Friday. It should give us more information regarding the cancer- the type- how long chemo will be- and what type of chemo. My father had sent an e-mail just before I left for my trip. He said that the dr. said on a scale from 3-9 for aggressiveness, my mother's cancer was a '9'. It is an intrusive carcinoma which means it loves to spread to other surrounding tissue. So after the pathology report comes back we will know even more about this monster.

Prayer Request-

- Pray for my father as he steps into a new role now and as he deals with the idea of his wife having cancer

- Pray for the numbness to subside and for feeling to resume in the left arm

- Pray for a quick recovery

- Pray that my parents keep God's peace

- Pray that lymphedema doesn't occur- that is a chronic swelling of the hand and/or arm caused by blockage in the lymph system to the arm.

Praises-

- My mother found a local place in Salmon Arm that can administer the chemotherapy! That means less time spent in the car!

- That she is at home and recovering!

- That we have such a strong support team in all of you who keep her and us in your prayers!

My mother has survived her mastectomy; the war against cancer has just begun....

Psalm 29:11

"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."