Three Women....

I sat and watched the three women as they talked and joked about the possibility of having a crew cut by Christmas. You would think they were just ordinary women chatting away yet their topic of discussion was about the cancer they each were facing. Inside the door labeled "Chemo Treatment" sat three chairs and three bubbly women; one of them my mother. Each woman had a story and when one woman was finished with her treatment another woman seemed to come in as if on que to fill the empty seat. I watched as one woman excitedly plopped into the seat next to my mother exclaiming, "This is my last treatment ladies!" The women talked and left almost no room for silence in the room as the chemo was being delivered. I watched as my mother was receiving her own 'cocktail' of drugs as she leafed through a magazine. It seemed surreal to me- that I was actually there to see my mother receive this poison that was going to make her better. I couldn't help but take pictures to document EVERYTHING. I felt so honored to be a part of these woman's group and yet I was such an outsider. I listened as they talked about mouth sores, brittle nails, and the hope of their hair coming back. It was then I realized that I was not part of their group, even though they welcomed me in. I didn't have cancer and I don't know what it's like- I was an outsider.

Although I didn't belong- I chimed in when I could relate to anything that they spoke of. After some time my mother had finished her first I.V. drip of a clear drug Cyclophosphamide. This was given through her port-a-cath along with some saline solution. Then the nurse opened a box labeled with an orange tag: Chemotherapy inside was a bag that had a bright yellow label on it reading Chemotherapy Drug. Inside this bad was the rest of my mother's treatment- two large syringes filled with what looked like fruit punch. Upon closer examination the syringe read- Doxorubicin. This red liquid was attached to my mother's I.V. line and I watched as the nurse administered this second drug. The clear liquid quickly changed to red and suddenly disappeared as it entered her body. I glanced at my mother's face and waited for her face to change but she remained calm and unchanged through it all.

After the chemo. my mother asked if I wanted to go out around town- I thought to myself, "Does anything slow this woman down?!" It was cold and rainy/snowy so I thought it better to get her home and stay warm and dry inside the house. I made her some lunch and we ate and she rested on the couch. Not too long ago I saw her face grimace and I asked her if she was feeling okay. "Oh, just a little nauseas." And on she went about her day.

I feel so very blessed to be here with my parents. To be able to experience chemo. with my mother- to just be near her and give her hugs- countless hugs.

I am so very proud of my mother.

Making memories....

'Surprise!' my father and Charity (my sister in law) said as I walked down the hallway and made myself visible to my mother who sat in the living room. She looked bewildered and confused yet excited all at the same time. She didn't know that I was coming to visit her after all. It was planned out between my father, brother and sister in law. After a 12+ hour day of travel I was happy to find myself 'home' with my parents. My mother jumped off the couch and handed my niece Katie over to my father so she could give me a hug. Throughout the night my mother often said, "I can't believe you are here! And for two weeks!"

Since then I think the surprise has worn off and my parents have grown more accustomed to my presence in the house. It's been a joy to be able to help around the house- making food, cleaning etc. It's quiet here too....which is something I'm not used to having- especially with two little kids running around. Speaking of kids, it's been a challenge to be so far away from them during this time. They sound so little and far away on the phone yet I'm grateful to be able to speak to them every night.

As for my mother....

She is exactly how I remember her- just without hair and with a wrap on her head to keep her warm. She is active as usual and just got in from raking the fall leaves that had fallen along with the rain we had gotten last night and this morning. She does, however, need her rest in the afternoon- busy mornings lead to restful and quiet afternoons that usually end up in a nap. :) There's nothing about her that is different except for that label which is now a part of her- cancer. Don't get me wrong- cancer does not define my mother- it is only a mere part of her life- something she must live with.

I went outside this afternoon while my mother rested and my father studied. I walked all across their vast expanse of land while the clouds threatened to burst down with rain at any moment. I found nothing but silence outside as I followed paths in and out of the forest. And finally I made it to a clearing....there before me stood a large field that beckoned me to come and investigate. I walk in the field, camera in hand, and found a mountain in the distance covered in clouds and hardly visible. I thought to myself- this is very much like this cancer that has descended upon my family- there are times when the days a gray and cold. And yet- I know that not all days are like this....some are full of sunshine and warmth. If you keep looking at the mountain from a distance you will likely see a subtle outline and dark clouds but if you venture closer those clouds that seemed at once so dark will be barely visible- leaving you with a beautiful view of the mountain.

May our eyes be fixed on the author and perfecter of our faith- Jesus Christ our Lord.