Haircut...

Yes- on Tuesday afternoon I looked in the mirror and said, "Today's the day!" I marched on down to the salon and a kind woman greeted me. I told her I wanted to get my hair cut for Locks of Love. She pointed to the waiting area and told me it would be about 5 minutes. As I watched the clock tick by I couldn't help but become nervous. I LOVE my hair- I really do. It sounds stupid to say but I really like my long hair. Could I run out of here without looking ridiculous- I thought. But no- they already had my name and phone number and I glanced down at my purse. There staring back at me was my pink ribbon cancer pin. (from Pampered Chef- thanks Dawn!) And then I realized how superficial I was being. Knowing that my mother would probably soon be losing her hair due to chemo and here I am worrying about it being short! Finally 10 minutes had passed and I finally was called to the chair for my hair cut. My stylist wasn't too friendly nor did she want to talk much. Well, for me, I love to talk and I talk a lot when I'm nervous! So I decided I would just sit there and pray- pray for my mother and for whoever might get my hair- that it would be a blessing to them. Then she said, "Why are doing this? You have such lovely hair?" First of all, I wanted to tell her that I was already considering bolting out of this place at one point and second- well she shouldn't try to discourage people from doing something they are set on doing. But I settled on telling her about my mother and that I was doing it in honor of her. She shrugged it off and said nothing and continued making the ponytails that would later be cut off. Then she said it, "Are you ready?" And she made the first cut. At that point I was bound and ready to make this woman have a laugh or at least a smile. After she finished cutting the first of four ponytails I turned around and said- "Oh no, I think I've changed my mind!" She looked shocked and scarred. "But I've already cut one" - she replied. I looked at her and told her I was just joking. Relief came to what once was her startled face. I don't know that she found it very funny but I did and so did the stylist who was cutting a man's hair next to me. She finished the cut and I headed home- lighter and minus 11 inches of my hair. I talked with my kids on the phone that night- they are visiting grandpa and grandma an Alabama- and I thought should I tell them. But no- I think I will keep it a surprise for them when they come home! :)

I called my mother that night- she was hoping to meet with the surgeon that day. But no one answered the phone and I left a message for her to call me when she got in. At 11:15 p.m. my mother called me back- I was up and painting my daughters room so I didn't mind the late call. She told me how the surgeon was in surgery all day and that she spoke to him over the phone but that the meeting had been pushed to Thursday morning at 9 a.m. Then I heard her say something about my dad checking the e-mail. I had sent her an e-mail with the picture of my hair before- during the cut- and after- with the words- this is for you mom- written on the bottom. My dad called her over while I was on the phone to show her the picture and e-mail. She sounded surprised and happy. Then she proceeded to tell me that she also got her hair cut today! We laughed about the fact that neither of us told the other about getting our hair cut but that we both did it on the same day. Mine was in honor of my mother and to help other's with my hair. My mother's was of course in planning for surgery and then the chemotherapy that would soon be following behind.

As I sit here this morning typing this- my mother is on her way to go meet with her surgeon. Tomorrow is the day that has been set for the single mastectomy to be done. Due to the location of the cancer and the size it appears that for now they are planning to do a single mastectomy of the left breast. They also are going to be removing some lymph nodes- since she tested positive with cancer cells in the lymph node. She feels comfortable being in the hands of this surgeon but more importantly knowing she's in God's hands.

As always- I can't thank you all enough- the words of encouragement- prayer for my mother and our family. We truly- truly- appreciate it during this time! Please continue to keep her in your prayers as tomorrow she faces surgery. Please pray for fast healing for my mother and for wisdom for the surgeon as well. May God be praised throughout this journey and may our hope rest solely in Him...

Psalm 52: 8-9

"I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever. I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good."

The Results are in...

First of all- I would like to express my gratitude to all of you who have been praying for my mother and our family. It is such a blessing to know that we have such a large support group during this time.

I called my mother yesterday morning- anxious to hear any news. But as I suspected- they didn't have any news for me. Oh this being patient thing is REALLY hard sometimes. But what a blessing to find an e-mail from my mother in my inbox this morning with the subject line reading, "update on mom." So bypassing all other forwards and e-mails I opened her e-mail. I don't know what I expected to read- if it was going to be good or bad news- but I was prepared for some of what I read. Not so much for other parts....

Now to the results....

My mother said they went to see her regular dr. regarding the biopsy results. It appears there are cancer cells in both of the biopsies from the breast and also a trace in the lymph node that was also biopsied. As far as surgery goes- it appears the date is still set for July 31st. Although we won't know to what extent the surgery will be until after she has her consultation with the surgeon next week. They don't know what stage the cancer is yet- apparently that is something they will find out after the surgery is done and they get the pathology reports back. But her dr. did say that he thought that they may have caught it early.

I suppose I was ready for that news...I had at least prepared myself for that part. But here's what I wasn't prepared for or ready to accept yet: most likely she will be undergoing chemo and radiation. Now I know that with cancer those words are somewhat 'expected'. But ever since I heard about the cancer I have been hearing from others around me that a lot of times you can just do a mastectomy without needing chemo or radiation. I suppose I was banking on that to happen for her. But again, I'm not in control. It's a helpless feeling- I can't be with her to watch her go through this and I can't be there to sit with her when after the chemo she feels ill. I want so badly to be there for her and I can't. And I have to give that over to God- I know He will provide people to surround her during this time and be with her; just as I want to be. When I give over to worry and concern- which happens many times- I know that I'm not trusting wholly in God. It is then that I need to give back the concern and worry to God in prayer.

Philippians 4:6-7

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Biopsy Day....

First off before I begin today's update I wanted to say a huge thank you to all of those that have been reading this blog and praying for my mother. Many of you have sent me e-mails and kind words of encouragement. I feel so very blessed to be part of the family of God. You all truly are my brothers and sister's in Christ!

So today is Thursday, July 16, 2009. I awoke this morning thinking, yet again, it's biopsy day. Some excitement filled my heart- or maybe it was more hope- but whatever it was, I was just happy that the day finally made it here! Let me clarify that before you think that I enjoy the idea of a biopsy. See I don't like needles and so the thought of a biopsy is very frightening to me. So, of course, I become a bundle of nerves as I think about the procedure that my mother would be going through. I was just so happy that this was getting done and that 'soon' we would have some answers to all the questions that have been building in our heads since we heard the phrase uttered, "I have breast cancer."

And once again- I had a barrier between getting my information from my mother on how the day went for her. It was softball yet again! Anxious to hear the news I kept checking my cell phone for the time- wondering when it was that time started to move so slowly. So there I was staring at my cell phone in between batters and being the first base coach- which I'll admit probably looked ridiculous. So once the game was done I raced home and with one foot in the door I lunged to the phone. No new messages. Again I was left to call...but by now- my parents have come to the realization that I will always be calling on days like these.

Biopsy-

Everything went well and according as planned. My mother said they took a biopsy from three different spots. Two in her breast and one in a lymph node that appeared larger than the others. She said she was awake for the procedure and felt little to no pain; which is a huge blessing! They said the results come back in about 3 days. Now when I'm told three days I like to have clarification on that. Do they count today as a day? Do they work on the weekends? Well, soon enough, I shall have my answers. My mother, who is much more patient than myself, seemed calm and confident in the doctors but more importantly- confident in God. As I pressed her for more information she gently said, "We'll know something by sometime next week." Oh, that answer doesn't sit well with me- those of you who know me well know that I'm a VERY schedule oriented person. Personally, I think I just want to know what day I can call my parents to get the update. But alas- patience is something I'm working on. Or maybe I should say- something that God is working on with me! :)

So that's where today's update end's. It ends with my parents making a 'lunch date' out of what started as 'biopsy day'. And me- it ends with me sitting and waiting like the rest while learning the hard way- to be patient.

Romans 12:12

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."

MRI...

I've created this blog as a way to share with others about my mother and what she is currently undergoing. As many of you who will or have read this know- my mother- has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Rather than fill up your inboxes with countless updates I thought it would be more appropriate to create a blog on behalf of her. This way I don't feel as if I'm imposing upon people and their inboxes. :)

My mother called me on an ordinary Thursday saying, "I have breast cancer." What do you say to such a statement. My mind tried to wrap itself around those words and what that meant. Yet I found myself in a mix of emotions; crying, anger at the cancer and somehow I arrived at peace. If even it only lasted a moment- that peace was real. As hours passed it turned to days. I waited for a call- any call- just letting me know anything at this point.

Monday came- it was 'biopsy day'. I prayed all day- thought all day about my mother. How was she doing? What was going on right now for her? Was she scarred, sad, or calm? See growing up my mother was 'Supermom' to me. She could endure most anything and still remain calm. As I grew up I found where that calm spirit came from- it came from the peace she had knowing Christ as her Savior. Still- I couldn't help but wonder that day how she was doing. Thoughts endlessly ran through my head. I couldn't wait to get home from a softball game- although a nice distraction- it only served as a barrier to my information. As soon as I walked into the front door I grabbed the phone. 'No new messages.' Well, I would be assertive and go ahead and call. So picking up the phone I called my parents. It rang- and a happy man answered the phone. It was my father. We went through the usual- how are you? And then I just had to ask- how did the biopsy go? He began to explain about Canada's health care system. Apparently- one must jump through many hoops to get somewhere. So in short- they had her scheduled for a MRI not the biopsy which she was previously told. With that said she followed them to get her MRI done. My dad put it best- "Why not save yours and everybody's time and money and get all the tests done at the same time." Maybe somebody in the Canadian health care system could look into this.

Nevertheless- Monday has passed and the latest update is that she has been scheduled for an ultrasound guided biopsy for Thursday- July 16th.

No matter the issues with the Canadian health care system- I am grateful to them. I thought back awhile ago- my parents were waiting to hear back from the Canadian government on whether they would be approved as 'landed' or not. They went through many paperwork nightmares along with a VERY long wait time. Finally they were approved and given their much desired 'landed' status. And now I think- I think about how God truly is control of everything. If they were still waiting on their landed status right now the chances they would approve my parents would be slim due to my mother's health issues now. And yet it wasn't so long ago that they were approved. God guided all things to fall into place for his glory.

So I rejoice! I rejoice in God's faithfulness and love! It may seem odd to some and to others- not so much so- but me- I can rest on Him. Sure, emotions will still rise up and tears will come- but I rest in Him. No matter the outcome of things to come- He knows it all and He will be with us all- every step of the way! It may not be the way I would have chosen life to go- but then again- my thoughts are not God's thoughts- He has a much better plan!

Isaiah 55:8-11

" For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. For as the rain and snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."